sovereign love

God is overwhelming me with his love. everyday, it seeps into my soul and joy is the only plausible response. for the first time, my heart understands how unflinchingly God's love clings to me and it is setting me free from too many burdens. i didn't know living could be this light, and i'm beginning to grasp the difference between heavy and hard. his yoke is light, but sometimes the cross is hard to bear. this morning, another presupposition was shattered as i realized another way God's love affects how i live, and the freedom it bestows.

clue is my favourite board game, hands down. and it's pretty simple why; i love figuring things out. for me, it's the difference between a math problem and a poetic interpretation. i don't care how the problem is solved, just tell me its meaning. what and why. and i bring this part of my personality into my relationship with God. what is the next step in my life? what is my calling? why did this happen to me?

only recently have i been able to face my stubborn and relentless questioning and see how i've allowed myself to be limited by asking them. fear had been inhabiting the whats and whys of decision making, because there was always room for mistakes. but when God chose to reveal his love to me, untainted by my failings, and relentless in its pursuit, i was and am able to embrace the unknown. after all, perfect love casts out fear.

knowing God loves me doesn't tell me what will happen to me, what God wants for me, or even why he wants it. it simply means whatever does happen will be because God loves me. the questions don't matter because i already know the answer.

and it's not that i didn't believe he loved me. on the contrary, i had already determined the kind of love his was. manipulating, condescending, controlling. but it's not that at all. and i can't explain just how it is, because love like this can't be defined by words. it must be experienced. the only thing i can do is tell you how it's changing the way i live my life.