fear

"have you decided who you're voting for next year?" she was referring to the 2008 presidential elections and, honestly, i hadn't even thought about it. our conversation rapidly progressed to reasons behind each potential candidate and another question was posed. "well, what do you think about the war? are you for it?" and i told her how i didn't have a direct answer to that either, but really i wanted peace, and sooner than later. she agreed, i think. "yes, what we need to do is just win it and get out. and we need to choose someone who is going to keep our country safe even after we're out of there."

we talked about our lives, and i shared a story of passing a hitchhiker three times in one day, feeling convicted about passing him by, lamenting my hesitation at helping out a stranger. "oh but promise me you won't ever pick anyone up like that! you never know what they might do...hurt you or something." her tone reaked of fear, though it was cloaked in the comfortable guise of safety. and i hung up feeling broken inside.

ashamed because we've turned our attack on sin into acts of violence against ourselves.
grieved because we've allowed the what if's from the "bad people" in this world to speak louder than the conviction of the holy spirit.
and broken because a child of God lives her life in fear, and doesn't even know it.
i'm pretty sure she's not the only one.